A Penis Does NOT Cause Female Orgasms

Let's get that biggest myth out of the way first, shall we?

The idea that a man sticking his penis inside and thrusting, while squeezing a breast, causes a female orgasm... is ludicrous.

Are you kidding? Haven't you been paying attention to the same ol' sounds and the same tired reactions?

We wait until you're all happy and content in your useless male pride and then slip into the bathroom for only three of the foty-five minutes you took out of our lives. We leave that bathroom freshly satisfied–by our selves, as in–you barely had anything to do with it at all! Yes. Every time, though life often demands we wait hours or even days to find those 3 minutes alone. But as long as you got yours....

Test it.

Not sure? Don't want to believe it? Here's your test:

Wait until you're in a fight and then ask her straight out if it's true–or bring her here and let her read it so you don't even have to try to remember the ammunition. That's what I'm here for. Most women will say:

"She's a bitter bitch, honey. You always satisfy me."

Or

"Maybe she was hurt by men, or something, but it's not true."

Or, better yet

"It's the lesbian in her. They always talk like that."

A few females will try to avoid actually answering the question at all. They'll try these (or variation of):

"Do you have to fall for every internet scam that comes around? This is just another sex book to take your money and here you are, falling for the lies."

"Why are you reading that? Don't I please you anymore?"

"I know where this is coming from. It's your mother again, isn't it?"

Distraction is very effective. If we get you throwing out swings, we can hit you with a different bomb (one of the thousands we plant each year) and avoid the subject completely.

I hear those wheels turning, but hang onto your sacks, boys. You ain't heard nothing yet. Wait til we get to the lies about how manipulative and cold women honestly are. It will shock you to find out how much alike men and women really are. Only the topics make the choice. We'll save a baby and kill a rapist. You guys will do the same, the difference being that we see the innocence of the baby and bond with it. You guys don't bond with shit unless there's something in it for you. You love all your acquisitions. The rare exception to that is a father and his son.

I'll bet by now you're getting the idea that MALE lies won't be tolerated here, either. You're just as cold and greedy as we are. We simply don't have the same ass-saving resources and fall-backs that you do. Most women will say that we have a higher moral line, that we care more. Until you piss us off, and then all bets are also gone. There's that double standard–the one we use to our advantage every chance we can.

So, if she says it's not true, how will you KNOW she's lying?

There will be a visible pause.

There always is. It happens as our brains run through roughly 50 answers that will satisfy you. We would like to tell the truth (and feel your hands causing those shudders and lip-biting moans), but are scared of your reaction. Even a half-ass sex life is usually better than none at all. I've gotten to the point where I strongly disagree, but that does not mean I've 'switched sides'. I love the male body too much to ever give it up. I'm just a lot pickier now and have toys.

As a women, I can only imagine how much this hurts. All I can say is that for once, it really isn't just you. NO penis alone causes orgasm.

What if she admits it?
Then you have a good woman there, one who wants to give you the chance to make her as happy as she tells her snide friends she is. She's also braver than you've ever given her credit for. Reward her for the honesty by pulling her gently into your arms and say:
"Oh my God, honey! I'm sooo sorry. I didn't know. Let me start fixing that for us."
And then proceed to do the class lesson below.

Now why in the hell would a woman repeat that exhausting workout for so many years? Snort. Let's see...

Power

Greed

Survival

A search for love

Facing reality that this, is as good as it gets

A screwed up sense of control through sex

The list goes on and on. I think the better question is, why in the hell do men–who are supposedly the superior part of the human race–allow us to.

Pride

Ego

Clueless–as in didn't know she wasn't satisfied

Didn't want the fights

Scared of the work–Lazy

Ignorant of what makes us tick

That list also goes on and on.

So, what the hell is a man supposed to do? Spend an hour only pleasing her? You've got shit to do, right? There's a game coming on!

It's a clit. It makes us cum. Catch up.
And it doesn't take as long as you think. 3 minutes, genius, remember? Not that you can do it that quick. Ten should be enough for the first time, though and twenty each time after that.

How?!

Every women who masturbates has two settings:

The kids are in the other room! stroke it quick and hard, and RUB the nipple tip until exploding

Or

Find the time and pretend I have a man who belongs to the finger I'm using in a very, very, very slow in-and-out motion, as I stroke up and down with my other hand.

Now, put it back in your pants and pretend this is a class lesson.

1.) Kiss her–hard, but keep 3/4 of your tongue in your own mouth. Yuck!

2.) Push her gently against something–that trapped feeling can be sexy if used with extreme care.

3.) Jerk her pants down and quickly slide your finger (Never the middle! We find that totally disgusting.) softly up and down over only the clit. Kiss her again and use another finger! to light rub the tip of the nipple.

After one minute or so, switch

Your finger rubs lightly side to-side, other nipple gets lightly brushed.

Repeat the steps, with the following thrown in at different times, a minute or two apart:

*Suckle gently on her neck–no marks unless you ask her first and then keep it small. Do want her to appear like she was beaten?

*Thrust that hard dick against her hip and tell her you can't wait to feel her cum on your hand. (This tells her it's okay to relax. She can't cum if you don't get her to that point)

*Shove her shirt up and groan at the sight of those droopy breasts like she's that cute waitress you'd like to nail over the restaurant counter while everyone cheers you on. Then only rub the nipple tips again.

Repeat these steps.

Do NOT change the rhythm or pattern when she groans, moans, arches, wiggles, shivers, shudders, or anything else. If she reacts without a frown, she likes it. Why would you do something different?

No, you moron, do not even stroke faster. Slow got her there. Why screw up the groove with inventing?

Important!

As she climaxes, SLOW DOWN! You think you get sensitive? Snort.

4.) Now press a soft kiss to her cheek, don't gag at the smells if you grabbed her before she had a chance to wash, and then carefully turn her around and have your way.

Wet, already satisfied, and you can now just enjoy being what you really are–male. If you get lucky, she'll be grateful enough to fake a second orgasm that you can use for your fantasy as you take her. Afterward, you can chuckle silently, knowing how the man set it up, satisfied her, and it only took a halftime show that you didn't want to see anyway. You watch the game in peace, while she roams the house humming and smiling. Win-win.

Like the instructions?

I plan to keep including them. It's not like they're going to tell you what they like. Again, that's what I'm here for.

If you're still breathing, I suggest following this blog.

I assume they'll revoke my 'sisterhood' card for this, but after enough disappointment, you get to where you either don't give a shit if people can't handle the truth, or you feel a need to change it. I happen to be experiencing both.

What do you think?
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