Have you kissed a wet mop before? That's what its like when you slobber all over us after taking a drink or getting out of the shower. If you trimmed it, we wouldn't instantly think: Note to self: mouth wipe as soon as he's not looking!
Also, ask your barber to use one of those round trimmer things on your nose and ears. YOU can't see it, but we do and ewww! What are you, dwarves? Hair belongs in only a few places as far as we're concerned. We do legs, pits, lips–both sets!–and think it wouldn't hurt you to do the same.
Did you know that when we see it, our first thought is to grab and yank? If you won't clear it outta there, we will.
Worst places to ignore excess hair-growth:
Beard
Mustache
Eyebrows. One? Come on!
Ears
Nose
From a mole or wart
Bellybutton
Leave that line of hair that goes from there to the pubic area, though. It's sexy.
Easiest way to get rid of all that hair? SHAVE, LIKE WE DO.
Or:
Buy a clever trimmer that is no-cut (meaning just that–you get no cuts from its use) and ask your woman to cover the places you can't reach. A good friend will also do this for you, but even if it's your own shaky hand–shave it.
Then why does it seem like women prefer men with long hair and beards?
Many do, roughly 78% according to Cosmo, like a mustache and a beard, but! They have to be kept neat and trim.
Also, wild hair gives us that bad-boy feel, but except in a few cases (Jax Teller–SOA) we will always get him to shave it all off at least once to see if we like the bareness better.
Best hair cut?
One that covered the ears and comes to just above those wide shoulders. Too long? Well, at least leave me enough to run my fingers through. I like to grab that nape of your neck hair and hold you close when you're on top. How can I ride you like you're my favorite horse, if there's nothing to hold onto?
I know you would, but seriously. You get the point.
Hair care:
No dyes or perms–ever. If it goes white, make it work. I personally adore older men. I can't remember the last time I let a younger male slide between my long legs. If you cover up the gray, we won't be able to judge your age and you'll miss out.
Yes, I know the younger girls want younger hair, but here's a thought for you guys:
Did you know most younger women are trying to give you more than you can handle? Why? Lots of reasons.
*Actually trying to kill you–as in a notch on their bedpost to have made an older man have a heart attack, it was so good.
*Control. As soon as you stop in the middle to catch your breath or can't go again right away, they own you. You never live these things down with women.
*Status. So they have a mocking story to tell their older girlfriends–it's our way of getting back at them for knowing more.
*Revenge. This is the one that hurts–brace for it. You remind them of their daddy.
No, not in the sexual way. As in he tucked me in and read to me and helped me learn to read and I just loved him soooo much.
That girl will ALWAYS leave you. You're not a boyfriend, husband, or even a lover. You are daddy.
Btw, never refer to yourself as sugar-daddy around her or another female. It’s setting you up to watch her drive away with someone else at the bar one night, when she's being teased by her friends under their breath about your age.
There are fifty more reasons, but those are the top. At some point, I may do a series about younger women vs older–differences and patterns. We'll see.
Okay, back to hair.
The hair test:
How many times a day does she touch your air?
How often do you wash your hair?
When was your last cut? Did SHE pick it out?
Women adore soft, sweet-smelling things. If she isn't touching your hair at least once a day, you need to switch shampoos, conditioners, styling products, etc.
However, this only happens if you wash it EVERY day.
If your last cut was less than a year ago, and she picked it out–go right now and ask her who she thinks the three sexiest men on TV are.
After you pry-bar those answers out of her, study the hair of those men and take yourself for a cut–preferably with photos in hand. And don't hit the barber or the barber college. Go to a real beautician, so it will be right. You want her to get wet from being aroused, not from spilling her drink while she tries not to laugh.
Headgear, hats, etc
The longer you wear a hat, the faster you'll go bald. Look at the hair on your ankle, where the socks bunch up. See the missing hair? The same thing happens to your head, genius.
However, the sexiest hat alive, on a good-looking man, is a tan cowboy with a single feather. In close second, is authority–like police, fire, and military.
Recommend a shampoo/conditioner?
The only one that ever did the job well enough to make me remember it was used by a roommate I shared a condo with. He used a combo of the two scents below that drove me absolutely insane. I'd sniff him whenever he got close, it was that powerful.
-Polo for men
-A Cosco shampoo in a tall purple bottle and a Cosco conditioner in a tall white bottle.
Both bottles were very tall, square, and had hand pumps on the top. They are definitely a Cosco product. Comes in big, bulky, man-style pump bottles–which are white and purple! Meaning she won't mind seeing them sitting around the bathroom.
You're bald or losing it faster than a ship can sink?
Buy a wig. Use your sexiest TV men question to judge what type and then keep it in a PURPLE box under the bed. Every now and then, set the box on the bed in the morning. If she's not interested in doing it again, or that night, she'll let you know, but more importantly!
You're learning to not only find out how she wants, you're doing it in a non-invasive way. After the second time she sees you pull the wig from the box, and then take her to bed, she will ALAYS equate that box with sex. It warms her up and gives her something to think about all day. If she has plans, good chance she'll clear the schedule when she sees it sitting (Closed/locked) on YOUR side of the bed.
You're training her.
You have horrible dandruff or greasy hair?
Do you wash it every day?
Do you drink at least 5 glasses of water every day?
Do those 2 things every day for two weeks and watch it improve like magic. Some people can get away with a lot less of both, but you happen to be one of those who can't. So am I. Every day, first thing in the morning. Piss, wash hands and face, brush teeth, drink water, do hair, do me. It's a good life.
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