You know what I mean. You've had us in every position and you're still pounding away like we're a spike that you have to drive through the floor. Sweaty, hair in our eyes, mouth, and wrapped around our neck, being pulled back like a bitch picking up a pup, is not our idea of good sex. The average woman can make herself orgasm in less than ten minutes. EVERY time. Why the hell can't you? Don't you understand if you were quicker and she came too, that you'd get laid more often? Wake up.
We would also like to kill the creator of viagra.
We'd shoot him right in the forehead without blinking an eye. Hour long sessions were bad enough. Now you can last four? Do you know how much a woman gets done in a four hour shift? By the time you manage to sprinkle a little seed, or flood as the case may be, we could have:
Made ourselves climax no less than five times, accounting for trips out of the bathroom to cook, clean, surf the net, read, care for kids, fix things, take out the trash you left, and shower. In four hours.
The inventor of viagra has been mentally wished more fiery deaths than anyone else in our generation by females on the receiving end of it. Let us stick a pencil in your ass–repeatedly–for hours. Oh, and don't forget to act like you're enjoying yourself, just having your world rocked. Now suck in that gut and arch that back like a good boy...
"Spread 'em baby, I've got three hours left on this pill and we ain't missin’ a minute of it!"
Oh, joy.
Tired yet? Ready to set up a weekly night instead of being hit with it whenever I choose? Don’t think you'll want it even that often? Now you're getting the idea.
Solution?
Work yourself up before-hand so that you're already more than half way there before you ever push it in. Or! After a half hour, pull out and jack-off until you're on the edge and shove back in for the finale.
What if I blow too easy and don't stay in long enough?
You need to jack off more, but especially right before having intercourse. If you've already gotten yours, it will take a while to build back up.
Still can't control it?
*Gently pull down on your sack until it ALMOST hurts. This delays orgasm, but not for long.
*Have you tried to think of something else during?
*Please her before you push in and then it doesn't matter if you blow across her leg. Just tell her she's so hot, you couldn't help it.
She takes forever to cum?
You have to work her up beforehand, just like with yourself, and I don't mean foreplay. Unlike males, who seem to flip into the mood within seconds, women need about an hour. Come up behind her and rub, kiss, talk! While you guys are settling down. Make her think about it with an occasional dick rub against her hip.
The fastest way to make a woman cum?
Watch 15 minutes of porn–using what she fantasizes about.
Then lick, using the rules you've learned. This will work every time if you change films each night. We like to watch porn as much as you gentlemen do.
Best times for sex?
There are three and all inconvenient.
1.) Upon first wake up. You already knew.
2.) 1.5 hours before bed
3.) About 1pm. Don't ask. I can't tell you why for sure, only that I suspect it's one of those things...
"Damn, hours left to go. I'd much rather be anywhere, doing anything.” or "Sigh. Kids in 2 hours. Better get mine while there's still time."
Women often feel rushed in everything they do, stealing minutes away from one thing to be able to cover another. When we spend 1.5 hours letting you drill for oil, we mourn the time.
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